Putting up and pulling down...

... one of my favorite amusements.
(If you tell me who said that without googling it I shall be halfway impressed.)

I am so mean. My cat's sitting outside the door to the room where I'm sitting, meowing pitifully (the cat, not me) and all I'm doing about it is sitting here snickering at her. I must really hate her to be so vengeful.

I need a new project. A few summers ago I was having a bad time with something, so at night I'd go up to my room and, nail by nail, tear down this huge shelf I'd had since I was like six, until it was nothing more than a pile of screws and planks. By the end of the summer, I was completely healed. I've thought about putting it back together so I can tear it apart again, just so I'd have something to actually do. But then I realized that I had no idea how to build a shelf. So I started writing instead.

I've spent too long working towards things, and not enough time actually accomplishing anything. I wish I had something that could give me immediate gratification, like a massive puzzle that you could watch come together step by step. The only trouble is that I hate puzzles. And Monopoly, but that's got nothing to do with anything. I really admire the people who work so tirelessly and hardly ever see results. My dad, for example, is always in a flood of things to do, and I know it frustrates him, but he never stops. Like, never. And I feel kind of like, well, I'm glad it's not MY job... but at the same time, when I'm intelligent enough to think about it, I'm really amazed by all that he does. And yet, at the end of so many days, he'll sit back, shake his head and say, "I did not do ANYTHING that I needed to do today." Well, maybe he didn't... but one thing for sure is that he never wastes his time. And that, I think, is to be admired more than anything. I hope someday I can have the guts to be like that... however tiresome it may be.

It's rather non-related to this topic, but I came across Proverbs 16:9 today (in one of those silly study-guide books that asks you the same question ten times in different words), and it very much seems to apply to my life right now...

In his heart a man plans his course,
but the Lord determines his steps.

It's reassuring, don't you think?