I feel horribly guilty when I think about being gone for two months. The kind of guilty that makes you feel physically sick. One of the things that has always bothered me about myself is the fact that I run from confrontation - not even that, just unpleasant situations in general. But that's always been a metaphorical sort of running away. There are so many loose ends in my life right now - so many things on a ledge - and not only am I emotionally distancing myself, but I'm leaving the freaking COUNTRY. I keep trying to convince myself that that's what I need - distance, in both senses of the word. But it's not working. I hate that I so often leave things (people, mainly) hanging. But fixing everything before I go is not even close to being possible.
I wish I was better at being a good person.
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