Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas (I Love You)

It's December 26th now - how strange. I realize that I've been lousy at writing updates here, and that when I do write them I'm mostly in a horrible mood. This is a fault of mine and I plan to be much better in the future (new year's resolution?). I've actually compiled a list of subjects that I need to address in future posts - just things that have happened in the past weeks, and thoughts that I need to give voice to, and things like that. So rest assured, a proper update (and hopefully one written when I'm in a reasonable mood) will happen soon. Unfortunately for you (at least, those of you who view this blog as your main source of communication with me... if that's anyone...), this future post will probably not arrive until January. My family is off to the mountains for a week, beginning with the sunrise on Tuesday morning. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to this week - seven days of reading, writing, watching movies, and hanging out with some of the people that I love best. Perhaps I'll write said update while there; but as we won't have internet, I won't be able to post it for awhile.

Anyway. This is a very wordy way of saying that I'm alive. Things are interesting. Life has been crazy but it is, above all, good. And, mostly, I am glad that I'm able to recognize that now.

Speaking of which, this was the best Christmas of all the Christmases I can remember. Not in traditional terms of what I would define as "best", either, which is why I think I loved it so much. But more of that with the Future Update of 2012. (F.U.12, for short. aha. ha ha.)

(That really wasn't funny. Oh well. I'm tired.)

That said, I've stayed up until almost 3 and had too many early mornings for far too many days in a row. And we're going to the beach tomorrow morning. And it's almost 1 AM again. Drat! How do the good days escape so quickly? Oh well. It's bed for me at last. If I don't have a chance to write tomorrow, I hope you have a blessed end of this year, and a great beginning of the next one.

In closing, I shall copy a post that I wrote on my facebook the other day that sums up, fairly well, the most important "holiday" feeling that I have felt in this last month of 2011.


To all of the people I love (you know who you are),

I want to say Merry Christmas and God bless you as you enjoy the last few days of 2011. I've been thinking today about how blessed I am to have such fantastic people in my life, and about how rarely people actually say how thankful they are for each other. If I haven't told you recently, I am thankful for you, and for the effect you've had on my life. I pray for you often, especially now that we're heading into a new year. I hope that you follow all of the rabbit trails (even a few holes, if it seems appropriate), finding adventure when you want it and comfort when you need it. Remember to love your family and friends, because they love you. And remember to trust God to handle the things that you can't - because we all have a lot of those things, no matter how "together" we seem to have it.

Thanks for being a part of my life this year, and I look forward to many more crazy adventures next year.

Also, I had a dream about The Dining Room last night, and it struck me that the ending monologue is really quite fitting for this transition between years. So imagine, if you will, a dim stage with a table, four chairs, and two newly lit candles.

Lately I've been having this recurrent dream. We're giving this perfect party. We have our dining room back, and grandmother's silver, before it was stolen; and Charlie's mother's royal blue dinner plates, before the movers dropped them; and even the fingerbowls, if I knew where they were. And I've invited all of our favorite people. Oh, I don't just mean our old friends; I mean anyone that we've ever known and liked. We'd have the man who fixes our Toyota, and that intelligent young couple who bought the Payton house. And the receptionist at the doctor's office, and the new teller at the bank. And our children would be invited, too. And they'd all come back from wherever they are. And we've have two cocktails and hot hors d'oeuvres, a first rate cook in the kitchen, and two maids to serve - and everyone would get along famously! My husband laughs when I tell him this dream. "Do you realize," he says, "what a party like that would cost? Do you realize what we'd have to pay these days for a party like that?" Well, I know. I know all of that. But sometimes I think it might almost be worth it.


To All of Us.

Friday, December 16, 2011

Argh.

I just walked by my mom downstairs and she said something about a funny comment on my facebook page. I laughed and said that I liked so-and-so. She said, "Yeah, but you wouldn't like him if he liked you!" And then laughed like it had been a joke. What really disturbs me about this is that I automatically responded, "True." before I could really think about it. Then I thought about it, and now I feel lousy. I hate this.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Run, Forrest, run.

I really don't like myself today.

Don't really know how to elaborate more than that. I just don't. And unfortunately this isn't one of those "I feel this way but I don't really have a reason to" times. I was trying so hard not to get mixed up in complicated things, but I brought it all on myself and didn't even notice. So not only am I slightly stupid, but I'm also kind of a jerk.

So that's fun.

Also, my right arm feels kind of dead today. Weird.

I wish I could write more, because I've been coming up with things to write about all week. But my arm is inspiring the rest of me and I think I'm going to drink coffee and proof-read my final essay for English class. G'night.