Take off the shoes.

I was thinking recently about that story I wrote last year (last year. weird.), and while I know it needs lots of work, I still think it has potential. There are a few parts that I really think I did well, and that's a nice feeling. There's one scene especially, exactly halfway through, where Alice is all torn up inside over the conflict of her brother's death and her own lifestyle and guilt and all that. She's just come from a confrontation/break-down with Frank, her brother's best friend, when this scene takes place.

It was late that night, sometime between midnight and sunrise, and I was sitting out on the fire escape. For the first time in a half-year, the night air inspired me to wear a sweater over my nightgown. The streets were still quiet, and my brain felt numb.
“I’m afraid they’ll find me out,” I said vaguely. “If something happens – if I can’t get away... Sam, I’ll go crazy.”
“I know,” he said. “I felt the same way right about your age.”
I stared out over the darkness that covered the alley, thinking about all the things that could and might go wrong – all the things that could stop my well-laid plans. “Does it go away?”
Sam smiled sadly. “No.”
“Do you think Frank knows? I feel like, if he did... well, wouldn’t he say something?”
“Frank’s a good guy – the law doesn’t always agree with him, but he’d never rat on a friend, or let them down. If he ever got me into trouble, he was always there to get me out of it.”
I studied Sam’s face. “Always?”
Sam’s eyes met mine and I knew he understood what I meant. He looked away from me and didn’t answer.
“I never wanted to grow up, Sam. I still don’t. I don’t even think I can – especially without you. You were the only one who ever really understood.”
“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry it was all like this...”
“Don’t say that, Sam, it wasn’t your fault.”
I felt a chill run down my spine when he didn’t answer.
“It wasn’t, was it?”
“You’ll be fine, Al, you always were. You can’t be afraid of moving on – everybody’s got to. And of course growing up is hard... I mean, we’re not allowed to walk anymore, we’ve got to run... and the shoes don’t fit. We get tired.”
I looked up into his face and saw that he was staring straight out across the rooftops. I scooted closer and held his arm, leaning my head on his shoulder.
“So what do I do?”
Sam smiled. “Take off the shoes.”
I woke then, and found that I had fallen asleep on the fire escape. I didn’t remember my dream until days later, so I didn’t understand why I woke with tears on my cheeks.