All I want is love eternally, with your heart facing me.

I'm tired. I could probably get in bed right now and be asleep in about five minutes, but I don't want to. I'm not sure if it's because I don't want to be asleep or because I'm just not ready to call it quits for today. The latter one doesn't make much sense though, based on today. I mean the afternoon with the family was lovely... but as far as the rest of it went... I've had better days. Sheesh, my mind feels so disorganized right now. I blame the ads on Pandora. What wretched ads, too.

Shoot. I'm really not doing well right now. I mean I should be, by all rights... things have really started to come together for me in the past few days and tomorrow will be a hugely telling day as to how all of that is going to pan out. (I have a few jobs lined up, mostly babysitting/tutoring things, and all through homeschool families! I don't actually know any of them, but they seem to trust me and they know that I'm leaving in March, so I don't have to feel guilty about leaving anyone unexpectedly.) Tomorrow from 12 to 2 is sort of a "trial period" for me and one family, who is wanting to hire me as a regular addition to the household staff for weekday afternoons. If I click with this family, I will be so happy. The mom seems very efficient and business-like, and I like that in employers. Plus, I'll be making close to $200 a week, if I did the math correctly. She is also the co-owner of the family fishing business, and wants to take advantage of my speedy and accurate typing skills for data entry stuff - which sounds great to me. I can do mindless mundane office-y jobs. I am a bit nervous, however, about one situation with that family. The mom also wants to see if I can help tutor their oldest son, who is autistic. Well, autistic, ADHD, and dyslexic. While I've tutored before, I've had no experience with autistic kids. Of course I'm more than willing to give it a shot; I'm not worried about it being difficult or inconvenient or anything. I'm just worried about seeming unprepared and ill-informed - because, well, I kind of am. I'm just worried about not being given a chance. I can step up to pretty much any challenge if I feel like I'm allowed one error or two along the way.

Anyway. A few other job openings like this one have opened up, so I should be set for the next two months - which is awesome. I realize that this is an incredible blessing and that God is amazing for providing for me even when I was being stupid and worrying over my own little problems. But speaking of my own little problems, my joy has temporarily been stolen by some other weird life situations. At least I hope it's temporary.

Ew - I actually feel physically sick right now. Maybe I should be asleep. Or maybe I just need to not think about this stuff.

Suffice it to say that I've become very disillusioned about myself this year. I know very little about other people these days - strange, because I feel like I used to understand them so well - and I understand myself only a little better than that. And I don't particularly like what I see. In particular, I don't like how I deal with problems. I've been in a weird and awkward standstill with a good friend for a few days, and tonight I tried to set things straight. I'm not sure what I accomplished, if anything. I feel like I only made the situation more strange and vague than it was before. I need to get better at communicating. I feel like, the more I interact with people, the worse I get at valid communication.

My eyes are closing. I'm gonna go to sleep. Hopefully I'll have specifics about work tomorrow, and maybe I'll write in the evening or sometime like it. It's after midnight by now and I have a long day ahead of me.

I hope things are well for you, in whatever time zone and country you are in. I hope that you are having or have just had a good rest. The world needs more present, rested people about.
G'night.