I've come to realize I get very clingy over a few people. Mostly family... although Amelia's been gone a week, and now she's home (since last night, or this morning, perhaps, I'm not really sure) and the fact that I haven't been able to get a hold of her via phone/facebook is driving me crazy. I'm also very clingy over my brother. I notice that I'm getting worse about that issue of mine - the issue of forgetting to miss people until I actually see them. And then when they leave again, it gets worse every time. That phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has never really applied to me. When someone is gone, they're gone. It takes a little while to get used to, but it works for me: I stop bothering to contact them if they don't contact me back, and I stop thinking of events in terms of what's available to them. Absence really just makes me forget. When the person I miss comes back and disrupts my happy forgetfulness, I get more and more miserable with each time I see them drive away again.
Things have been so busy for me lately that I've forgotten that I really dislike some things about life this year. Important things; not just little things that teenagers inevitably get angsty about. These things matter. But I've been so busy, like I said, that I forget about them... things like how much I miss my parents hugs. Or another teen's conversation. Or sitting on the couch and having a cup of coffee with someone in perfect silence, for goodness' sake. Then when things slow down, and someone or something reminds me of what life in this house used to be like before everyone went away and grew up, I get depressed.
Jon left tonight, and I'm not really sure that I'll even see him before I go to Europe in a month. When I hugged him goodbye, I told him to come back soon, please: "I get a little crazy."
"I know," he said. "But you're doing a good job."
"That's what we actresses do," I said with a cheerily pompous grin.
"Oh, you're not acting. You're being..." He stopped.
"Were you about to say 'mature'?" I asked somewhat hopefully, but feigning shock to cover it up.
"No... Yes."
Well, brother bear, I do try. It gets tiring, but I suppose it's all we can do to keep on going. As Ami said once, "It's what we do best."
hm, that's funny. i was recently thinking the same thing about myself (not in regards to amelia or jon, haha, obviously, but but in general). strange how we cling to those few people. funny how we don't usually realize it until they're around and leave again.
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