Well, as I've been out of school for a week now, I figure it's about time for another long ramble. I've missed them, and my mind has gotten far too cluttered without them. Only, now I can't really think of anything to say. Ain't that the way? I'm listening to music on headphones and my mother is watching a second episode of 'Law and Order'. Dad's at my computer, writing emails. I wish he would follow the unspoken rules and use the Adult Computer that's out here in the hallway, and let me use the Laura Computer that's in the new-room where one can close a door and therefore listen to music as loudly as one wants. But this is not the case, and it is sad. So I sit here between files and tax reports and a marked up calendar with inspirational quotes from people like Einstein about joy and how ice cream solves everything. Also, there is a printer that's invading my shins' personal space. But this can't be helped.
I suppose there's a sort of person out there who thinks, "Summer! I can hang out with people as much as I want!" For me, it seems to be more like, "Summer! I can avoid people as much as I want!" I suppose that makes me more of an introvert. And it's not because I'm shy... it's because, sometimes, I honestly want to be left alone. I'm much more relaxed that way. I'm looking forward to a day when I don't even have to step out of the house at all. Just one day like that is all I need, and then I'll be alright. But still... I need one. Then I can do whatever I like and not be thinking, "Alright, so I have one hour to do this, and one hour to do that, and at so-and-so o'clock I'll be here." That's been my mind all semester and I can't stand it any more. I just need to breathe, drink another cup of coffee, and think, "I could very well stay here for another few hours if I wanted to."
OH. Last Thursday I went to my very first baseball game. I went with Amelia and her family to watch Mark and Ryan and Josh. Amelia and I sat there the whole time trying to figure out what was going on... we ended up making up our own rules to explain things. Then afterwards at dinner Mr. Gutierrez explained the rules to me and it all made sense - would've been better 3 hours earlier, but hey. Next game I'll know what's what. The only thing I completely didn't understand until later was the matter of the Australians. Apparently it's common to shout "Good eye, so-and-so!" when a batter doesn't swing at a bad pitch. I didn't know this. So for half the game, I was wondering what was with the crazy Australians in front of me who kept shouting, "G'daye, Ryan!", or "G'daye, Nick!". (I mean how many times is it appropriate to greet someone?)
Now I know I'm not a stupid individual. But when it comes to sports, I suppose I am a stupid girl.
Mom cut my hair today. I have a problem with this... hair-cutting, I mean, not the job she did. Each time I get it cut I want it shorter than the previous time. One day I'll just go and have it shaved. Actually if someone paid me to do it I probably would. But people know that, so no one will make the bet. Sad.
I really should be reading, or doing SOMETHING. But I've always enjoyed writing... even if I don't know who I'm writing to. Hello. I don't believe I'm writing to anyone in particular at all, really. But writing letters has always been fun. For some reason, especially to my brother. Our letters (when the boy does write back) ought to be published one day. Not that we're elitists or anything, oh no. OH, yesterday I drew a self portrait. It was pretty good. Interesting to see how my self-image has changed, even in the past few months. In January I drew a portrait of myself from looking in a mirror, and I looked all short and dark and pudgy and angsty; very heavy shadows. The one I drew yesterday is much lighter, and I'm wearing my glasses, and my face is more realistically proportioned and elongated. I don't know whether I've become a more positive individual or simply a more arrogant one. It could very well be both.
I miss my siblings. Although (and I'm not sure if this is normal or not) it's only rarely that I think to. Usually it's much easier to forget that they lived here once, and that I used to see them every day. It's easier to assume that life has always been this way - quiet, grown-up, surrounded by people above the age of 40. Talking about things like doctors and bills and prayer requests. When I think of how things used to be I get very melancholy. When it's just me, here, I feel mature... when I'm around people my own age, I feel old. I often have a hard time thinking of things to say that will connect with people. It's new to me, and uncomfortable. So long as I can distance myself from the things I miss, I'm alright. But I don't know how healthy that is.
That was random. However, I'm pretty much out of other things to say. So I will go to bed - or at least, go upstairs, where I will probably spend time rearranging things that look fine the way they are. Such is the life of an OCD individual like myself....
G'daye, world. ;)
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