Bah.

Normally if something bothers or scares me, I feel an odd sort of need to watch it closer or think about it deeper than anyone else. That way I get a satisfied sort of feeling when other people talk about being afraid of it; I feel a gloomy pride in the fact that I could handle it and they can't. Hm, maybe I'm a masochist, I don't know. But with all this in mind, I've never hated a book so incredibly as I hated Lord of the Flies. Normally if I dislike a book it's because it wasn't well-written, or I didn't like the style, or I couldn't connect with it... but the book was extremely well-written and I marked it up a ton so it's none of that. For some reason it just really affected me and I think it does come down to being afraid of it. Which is odd for me.

And now I'm annoyed with it, because when people hate things because they're afraid of them, I assume they're being weak. But I actually felt physically sick while I was finishing the book last night (at 2 AM... woops.). I told my parents I didn't like it and my mom said, "It's hard to face the truth, isn't it?" I hate that, too. I know people are screwed up - I didn't need to read 200 pages of little boys killing each other with sticks to prove it to myself. I don't know, I guess it does scare me, sure. But it's more than that, too. It just felt evil.