Every once in a while I wish that somebody would tell me what to do. Too many things are judgment calls these days, and I don't like the responsibility. Mostly I don't like having to accept the consequences when I make a dumb decision. I first realized this on the day that I almost got in a car wreck while making a left turn into my neighborhood. After that day I realized that that was it - that's what's been bugging me for the past year or two. I don't feel old enough to drive, I don't feel old enough to be in college... I don't feel old enough for a lot of the things that have happened this year. And I'm tired of hearing the phrase, "Fake it till you make it." I know it's all a necessary part of growing up. But sometimes I wish growing-up would give me a break.
I'm drinking airborne right now, which is always an unpleasant experience. I started feeling a sore throat coming on last night and today I woke up feeling miserable. Just what I needed, going into this next week. Argh. I have another crazy test-filled week starting Monday - and so far everything else has been working against me. Being sick is kind of the kick when I'm already down. Then, when I'm stressing out about school and looking to blame somebody, I suddenly realize that these classes were all my idea. And I get that left-turn feeling all over again.
I know that I can't expect to be perfect this semester. I won't get all A's - I know that. I just need to convince myself of the fact that it's okay.
Anyway - enough whining. Lately I've been thinking (A LOT) about what I'm going to do after I graduate. For the past year or so I've been thinking that I could very well go to Biola this fall (that is, after summer... not right now)... but then it occurred to me that if I don't get to travel before college, it might not happen. So Option 2 is this: stay at VC another semester (ech) and take whatever I think I might need/want, possibly get more involved in theater stuff... find a job and make money... then, come spring semester, I could find some connections in Europe (Ireland, anyone?) and go abroad for a month or two, lounging around and writing and things. Then I come back - have a nice little summer - and go off to college land, wherever that might be.
Option 2 sounds lovely to me, except for the fact that by the time I DID transfer to someplace, I'd be old for my class. That, and the fact that I'd be a year later in graduating... AND the thought of staying another semester at VC does kind of kill me.
I've been at this awkward standstill in decision-making for about a week. Like I said. I need somebody to tell me what to do.
Hi Laura!
ReplyDeleteWe've never met, but I found your blog through my friend, your sister (Bethany) and I thought I'd give my two cents.
Of course, my first suggestion would be to pray for God to give you direction.
If both avenues are still open and you don't feel led to either one more than the other, my advice would be to go with option 2 for sure.
If it makes you feel better about the "being older than your college peers" feeling, know that my husband is 27 and about to graduate with his BS in physics, after 10 years of school (because he served 6 years in the Air Force, and it delayed his education). Some of his classes this semester have been full of freshman (he saved speech for last-so that doesn't help) but he's not the only older student, and honestly, it doesn't bother him as much as you'd expect it to. He has accomplished more than they have, even if it may seem like they are on the same level, you know?
Option 2 sounds dreamy, and I wouldn't let that opportunity slip away. Besides, you might have experiences abroad that will open new doors to an exciting future. :)
ps. love your playlist.
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