"Tomorrow". Funny word.

I seem to be incapable of going to bed before midnight. Often before 1:00, but I do try to avoid that when I can. I figure I'll have plenty of time to stare at the night outside my window at college when I'm pulling all-nighters to finish my homework. There's a logic in my head that says I ought to get a good amount of sleep here at home, while I can... but who ever listens to the logic in their head?

Incidentally, I was having a bad day yesterday... in case you couldn't tell that from my angry telegram to myself. Mostly I was angry at the fact that I had spent six hours working on a three page paper. That was ridiculous and was responsible, I am certain, for a series of at least twelve heart attacks. It's so strange... I think that I never fully recovered from last semester's load. Usually I'm full of determination and alertness at the beginning of a school year/semester, and it gradually dwindles throughout until, just as I am at my wit's end, finals come round. This is the way it goes for most everyone, I think. This year, though, I didn't have that starting point of determination and alertness. I started on ground-level and have been slowly and consistently sinking down ever since. It's a depressing feeling. On the upside, finals are only about a month away. Downside: that means that graduation, The Dining Room, and many other large projects are A MONTH AWAY. Which is bad and is causing another series of heart attacks. So we'll stop thinking about that for now.

You know what's a weird thing? Eye contact. I find it so strange that you can tell if a person is looking at your face, but not at your eyes... I mean, if someone looks directly at the outside corner of your eye - say, half an inch from your pupil - you can tell that they're not looking you in the eye. Then their eyes move over a little and poof, connection. Why is that? I mean, is there an actual signal being passed between eyes when they look at each other, or is eye contact just something we've learned to recognize as communication? These are the kinds of things I find myself thinking about when I sit down to do homework...

Speaking of homework, but not really related... on the subject of school, however: I am working on signing up for classes for fall semester. Isn't it weird that you sign up for classes in April, when you'll be commencing in August? (In fact, the day I get back from Prague... which means missing the first day of school, and then coming in early on Tuesday and trying to listen to lectures when you're incredibly jet-lagged. Bummer. Oh well... did it last year.) I'm only five classes or so away from completing the IGETC form (the list of classes needed for GE, which we over-achievers try to complete before we transfer anywhere.), and five classes are easy to knock out in one semester. Even with the job I plan on adding, the art class I plan on teaching, and the theater and dance classes I plan on taking. Well, maybe not easy, but hopefully doable... and definitely will make for a more interesting life than straight old lecture classes all semester. Mostly I'm happy that biology lab and I will forever part ways. I will be so happy not to wake up on Tuesday mornings staring at the bespectacled midget woman in her domain of microscopes and periwinkle walls. There are some teachers that I can't imagine seeing outside of their classrooms. I've come to expect that they live there, and that they would evaporate into thin air if they ever ventured outside, or burn up, or something. They probably push some desks together for a bed at night, or maybe they have a large crate underneath their own teacher-desk that they pull out and pad with blankets to sleep in. I've come to expect this especially of biology professors. It seems like they'd do well in a climate-controlled room.

Once I finish those classes, I'll have finished up most (or all, if I haven't forgotten about any) of my general ed. classes, and I'll be free to transfer somewhere and concentrate only on writing and reading and acting. That sounds kind of like heaven to me. Finishing those classes over fall semester also means that I basically have a semester off, which means that I am in a good spot to find my way to Ireland for a few months. If I can get the funds together, that is. AND find somewhere to stay. I really need to work on finding some missionaries or church people over there and asking if they need an extra pair of hands for a while... I think that's my best bet. Traveling + helping people with worthwhile things = ideal option. I'd also really like to take a road trip around the country (this country, that is). I've always wanted to, and now Katrina's gone off and is doing it - on her own, no less - and the idea is becoming more and more exciting. Not only exciting, but doable. I don't want to consider the idea of Ireland not working out, but if my mind wasn't made up to do that, I'd definitely be considering doing the road trip over spring semester. Well, that particular trip will have to wait until after college, I suppose.

I get incredibly excited when I think about the long-term future. But when I think about what I need to do tomorrow, or this week, or this month, I get all panicky. This seems to imply that I dream nice dreams but do, in fact, fear the stark reality of things; however, I don't know that that's entirely true. Well, it is to a certain extent... but not to the extent that it appears, I hope. Firstly because I don't like to think of myself as a coward, and secondly because I don't like to think of my exciting long-term plans as simply "nice dreams". They are tentative, yes, but they are possible. And if something is possible, that means it can be reached - even if the steps in reaching it cause a girl some headaches.

Well, it's midnight now and I don't know what I'm wearing tomorrow. I always try to plan outfits out the night before, because I dress in the morning before I've had coffee and therefore can not expect myself to make intelligent decisions. The first Tuesday of the semester, I remember, I took my first cup of coffee with me in a thermos and consequently went to school without my earrings. What sort of first impression does that give? I ask you.

That aside, I am curious. When you hear the word "tomorrow", what kind of feeling do you get? Do you think of what you have to get done, or do you think of what you'll do tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that?

I seem to alternate between the two. It must be nice to think of "tomorrow" and feel that you'll be perfectly content with it, whatever it might bring. I guess that's something we can all work toward.