It's been such a Tom Waits weekend. I've been listening to him for the past few days, and apparently Jon and Katrina have been, too. Something in the air, I guess.
I'm exhausted. I had a busy week/weekend, and parts of it were really fantastic... but last night I hit a low, probably the lowest I've been in a while, and today I'm just... well, worn out. One thing that made me ridiculously happy, however, is that right before I was about to leave for church, Jon walked through the front door. He was supposed to come last night, but he didn't so I thought he wasn't coming... but he came :) He's going back tonight, but things always feel a little better after I talk to him. Not to sound cliche or anything, but I've found that most of the people I hang out with don't really understand me - not to the extent that I'd like them to, anyway. Well, actually, it's mostly alright... I like that I'm able to keep some things to myself. It just makes it difficult when these things build up, because then I suddenly find myself not knowing what to do about any of it. Even if Jon can't give me an answer to my problems, it helps to have him listen, because I know that I'm a lot like him; he understands me. It's odd, but I feel like there's a sort of gap growing between me and most of my friends; I've been getting the distinct impression that they disapprove of me. Which is strange, because I haven't really changed lately or anything. The more I talk to people my age, the more I hear the same old story about what they want: to stay in Southern California, go to college close to home, be around their family more. Meanwhile, the knowledge that I have to go away or I'll go crazy has been becoming more and more clear in my mind. It's odd how having a different desire than someone else can really put a wedge between you. I know there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay around family and familiar things, but I think I've gotten so tired of hearing it that I've started to resent it. Maybe I resent it just because it's so different than what I want. And the more I hear it, the more I feel like I should agree with it, but I don't. I think that that, maybe, is the reason I feel that people disapprove of what I want; it's like they think I'm careless or ungrateful or something. I don't much care what the general public thinks, but there are some peoples' opinions that do matter to me, and there's been a noticeable shift in those, too. Which is strange and a little disheartening.
Also, The Dining Room. asdrlnalerkalsdfmlkasmrlkwnrrrrrr.
My dog ate rat poison the other day, but Dad talked to our friend the vet and got him to throw up (Alfie, not the vet), and I think all's well now. My coffee is cold; must get more. I'm so glad this week is spring break - I'll be heinously busy pretty much every day, but I'm just so relieved that I don't have to go into class at all. Break came just in time - this past week, I couldn't concentrate on anything in class for more than five minutes. Sad how my brain has turned into mush lately. Speaking of which, I took the SAT yesterday. I think it went alright, although I also think my neck was permanently damaged by how tensely I was bent over that desk for the better part of the day. I was talking to a kid who I vaguely recognized there, during a break, and he said that he was going to re-take the SAT in the fall, regardless of how well he did yesterday. When I asked him why, he said it was so that he would have a perfect score when he applied to Biola. Biola doesn't even look at your SAT score; they never asked for Jon's. It occurred to me then, wow, homeschoolers are dumb. I mean, sure, you want a good grade... but children. We're taking the SAT now. Take it and be DONE with it and be HAPPY ABOUT IT.
sigh.
Last night I went to see Les Miserables, by the theater group we did Pirates with. I had a few friends in the production so a big group of us went last night in support, and it was really fun. I love theater, mostly when I'm in it, but I do like being the cheering squad, too. ;) Except being in the audience always makes me a bit nervous, now that I know how much energy the actors need from us; I feel obligated to clap for EVERYTHING. I remember all too well the low morale we'd have on matinees when the audience was dumb and didn't know when to applaud. I have now determined never to let a cast say, "that was a bad audience" if I am a part of it. This often means that I am the awkward person who begins the applause - sometimes in the wrong places. Ah well... better to be overenthusiastic than otherwise.
Speaking of theater, I went to the Pantages on Friday night and saw Beauty and The Beast with three of my friends. (And as it happened, the four of us had been the leading female roles when we did B&B, two summers ago.) Oh. My. Gosh. I don't think I ever really got why professional theater was such a big deal... I thought money was the only real difference. Ha. No. The sets? Costumes? Singing? Gahhh. It was SO GOOD. Although now I'm even more obsessed, if that is possible, with the idea of doing big-time musicals and such. The sound of hundreds of hands beating together in a real theater is pretty much the best sound in the world.
Oy. I have a lot of homework to do this week. But I'm sleep-deprived and frustrated and not in the best studying mood. My homework will still be here tomorrow... I'll confront it then. In the meantime, I think I will make more coffee and clean my room or collage something.
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