We have so many books in this house. I've been trying to consolidate between bookshelves, in an attempt to make the hallways look more organized... also in an attempt to keep myself busy when I don't know what else I should be doing. I'm so crazily busy all the time, and when I have an evening or a few hours without homework, I don't know what to do with myself. So I spend a lot of time staring at things like a window or the ceiling - which I think is a sign that I either need more sleep, healthier food, or... well, something. I don't know. Anyway - the books. My dad's been collecting them for decades, and while I was going through the shelves, I found some rather interesting things. There are three main categories that he likes: theology, the arts, and revolutions of various countries. It's surprising how many he has on Irish revolutions - Dad's never been too big on the Irish, though I think that's mainly because I took more of an interest in that side of my heritage (from Mom's side) than the German side (his side). There was one book titled "The Improbable Irish", which I loved. He also has books on things like bonsai trees, digital cameras, museum guides and travel books to places he's never been, and a book full of ink drawings and Japanese verse that have been translated into German. I think that was the best find of all.
All of this started because I spent last night building myself a bookshelf. It's one of those really huge ones - taller than I am, and about 2 or 3 feet wide. Unlike my old shelf (which was about half the size), this one has enough room for all of my books and a few other decorative items beside - which, of course, is why I wanted a shelf that big. :) But after moving all of this furniture and boxes and other various junk around, my back is really sore. Oh well. It was worth it.
I realize that I haven't written in a while... I really should be writing more often. Not only here, but just in general. I haven't written a story in months, which is really depressing. I have all these ideas floating around, but I can never hold onto one long enough to keep enthusiastic about it. I also don't allow myself to really get into a project that I know I'll enjoy, because I know that I'll feel guilty for not doing school instead. So I end up doing a million other, more pointless, things - which collectively take as much time as a truly enjoyable project would. How stupid.
Things move so quickly. It's October now, isn't it? Crazy. I'm starting - what - week 6 of school? Halloween is at the end of the month, and Christmas is in two. Jon and Megan are getting married in a month and four days. My baby niece, Kayleigh, was born on this past Monday - I got to meet her on Thursday. I drove down there and back in an afternoon/night, because I didn't know when else I could go. THAT was crazy, by the way. I've seen millions (well, okay, not millions - but a lot) of babies before, but this one was different. I remember her mother being only a few years older than that. As I was holding Kayleigh, I just kept feeling her skin and thinking, wow - you're so new. You've felt so little. Then I started thinking about how different she'll look every time I see her; immediately I imagined myself saying, "You've grown so much since last time I saw you!" and suddenly I felt incredibly old. I wonder if that's how people begin to feel age. When we have a new life to measure against ours.
I need to get another job. I haven't even started looking again, because I haven't had a day to dedicate to the hunt. I need to force myself, though. Maybe Wednesday. Yeah - Wednesday. I'll do it. It's just hard to go and sign my life away again, now that I know how rare and special it is to spend an evening at home. But I just have to keep reminding myself of Ireland. That ticket won't buy itself.
Shoot. I also need to start applying to colleges.
I'm at an awkward standstill with myself. I keep wanting to write, "I wish time would slow down!" but then I remember how often I wrote things like, "I wish this year would just finish already." I guess that means that time is moving at just the right pace, though it may not feel like it at the moment. God knew what He was doing when he invented the clock and the calendar. He still does.
I'm going to wait until Kate comes home to go to sleep - I told her I'd stay up for her. So. Until then, I think I'm going to go through my closet and play dress-up; put on a runway show for the cat.
... don't judge.
By the way, I drank a pot of coffee today. By myself. This is what happens when I stay in the house all day.
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