I guess it all comes down to them, cause they're up in the air.

How strange. I'm leaving home today and flying out tomorrow morning. Actually we're leaving in 3 hours from here. I'd intended, one of the nights this week, to write a post that adequately worded my jumbled up thoughts about this upcoming month, but I didn't have a chance to. There's so much to do and to think about, and the more I do, and the more I think about, the more I realize how utterly unprepared I am. And I don't mean this in a carefree, who-knows-what'll-happen-so-let's-enjoy-the-adventure way. I mean that I am literally and completely unprepared for this trip. I've been feeling very unworthy of all of this. And I know that's a lame, downer sort of attitude to have when one is setting out on an adventure... but honestly, I'm scared. In one sense, I don't know what's coming, because that's just how life is. But on the other hand, I know that there are certain situations that WILL come up, and I don't know if I'm ready for them. And that's scary.

Part of me thinks that this is a fitting way to start an adventure, though. Maybe not a good way, but a fitting one. Tough, but maybe more beneficial, if I can pull it off. Of course, it won't be ME pulling it off, I know that. In fact that's what I'm counting on. I'm so small and unprepared and can't possibly hope to do anything on my own. I guess all that I can do is hope to be a good tool for God to do whatever He wants with. There's no easy, if-I-do-this-then-the-trip-will-be-fine fix... but if I can be open to letting God use me and try my best, I guess that's the best that anyone can do.

So yeah. I'd really appreciate prayer for that. Pray for a silly girl to grow up and grow closer to Jesus. I've been realizing how pathetically in need of all of that I am.

I'll see if I can write updates every now and then. It's going to be strange, being away from all the connections around here. But you know what, it's good. Every once in a while we need to get away and turn the volume on life down. It's like being in the mountains at night for the first time when you've grown up in the city, and looking up to see the stars clearly. I remember that feeling so well from last year - so many revelations and things that I'd never thought of or felt before. I only hope I can see that clearly this year.

One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eyes.

I'll be back in 3 weeks. :)