Well. Hello, blogger world. I've missed writing here quite a bit, and my ratings have fallen sadly because of my nigh unforgivable absence... not to mention, I think my mind has become ridiculously cluttered in the meantime. Things are by no means calming down here, but it's the middle of the night and right now there's nothing else that I can be doing, so I decided to write and tell you hello, and let you know that I'm surviving well and that I hope you're doing the same. I probably should be sleeping... but I have nowhere to be tomorrow until 1:00, which means that I can sleep a little later tomorrow. HUZZAH. It's odd, but I realized a few weeks ago that I really can't allow myself to have a normal "good night's sleep", because once I do, I'll be all messed up. I'll have tasted the forbidden fruit, and then when I get no sleep the next night, I'll know what I'm missing and it will all be worse. This past month or so, I've been able to somewhat convince myself of the idea that I really don't need more than 4-6 hours of sleep. Getting less than that (which happens now and then) is still a little rough, but I'm getting there. Once, last week, I slept for 8 hours and I felt ridiculously out of it all day. So as long as I can continue on my strange, scewed schedule, I do believe I'll be alright.
I had thought, a few weeks back, that life would calm down nicely once school let out. Well. It IS true that I have no homework, and it is also true that I had a small anxiety attack this morning when I got home from work and realized that I had nowhere that I needed to be for three hours. (I'm not used to having that kind of time anymore. I'm not used to being home for that amount of time. I literally haven't been home for more than 2-3 hours at a time in the past 4 weeks or so. Except at night, obviously.) But life is not calm. The Dining Room is less than two weeks away... 9 days, to be exact. And even though rehearsals have been going much much better recently, that realization is still terrifying. Kate is building the set and we have basic stage-lighting - so those are two big things that are mostly taken care of. But still. 9 days. We haven't gone through an Act without stopping yet. Well... I guess things are always hectic and hopeless-looking in the weeks before a play. But it always comes together. I decided a while ago (and I think I wrote something about this, back then) that there is no good in fretting about the things that are beyond my control. I will do what I can, and allow the rest to take its course. As stressed as I get about it all, I do have faith that we'll pull it off.
Also, graduation is the day after closing-night. That's not all that big of a deal just now... although Amelia and I do need to practice the song we'll be performing. SPEAKING OF PERFORMING. We (Amelia and I) sang and played two songs at the ACHEV Spring Arts Festival - one that she wrote and one that I wrote. It went marvelously! I mean, being nit-picky on myself, my voice sounded a little rough at some places, which was odd... normally those songs are easy to sing. But I hadn't had much water and I probably was a little nervous. But aside from that - it was just really cool how much people loved our songs. A lot of people have been talking to me about recording my music, which is pretty awesome. Sometime I want do do that. But that'll have to wait until after June 5th. No more new projects or promises until then.
Oh, that reminds me. After June 5th, I also need to start looking around for missionaries or friendly-church-people-who-wouldn't-mind-an-american-girl-staying-and-helping-them-for-a-while in Ireland. I'm gonna work incredibly hard all through fall semester and the better half of spring to make that trip possible. My mind is made up. But technicalities await....
... after June 5th.
Man, I'm getting tired. I'm so glad that I'm done with school... although it's weird how my mind doesn't really know what to do with itself now. Last night Kate asked if I wanted to watch a Black Adder and I told her that I can't, because I had to study. Then I realized that no, I didn't have to study, and then I felt depressed with myself. It's not that I get bored when no one/nothing is dictating my life and how it should be run... I think it's just that I don't really have enough time to do what I really want to do. Does that make sense? Like if school ended, and I had absolutely NOTHING to do - I'd find some big project. Like beginning to write that play I thought of a few months ago, or re-decorating my room, or something. But as it is, I've got only a few big commitments to keep myself busy. And they are keeping me busy.... but only as far as they can.
Now I'm just rambling. I'm glad I already washed my face and brushed my teeth... now I can just go crawl into bed. It's been too cloudy lately to see the moon or stars from my window, but that doesn't stop me from looking for them before I drift off to sleep.
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