I thought some daisies might cheer you up.

Oh gracious. I'd pretty much had the most ridiculous day ever - at least, in a long while. You know those days where everything just piles up, and they don't even have to be big things (but when they are, it's far, far worse), and then there's the last straw and suddenly nothing in the entire world is right? I've been trying to remind myself that none of it will really matter in a few years, they're all things that will take care of themselves, blah blah blah... but then bad things kept happening, and I decided, approximately fifteen minutes ago, that I'm going to stop trying to cheer myself up and allow myself to vent for a while. And drink a pot of coffee. And then maybe everything will go away.

The first thing went wrong yesterday. Well before that, there was the biology exam - which I have no idea how I did on, but I'm definitely not feeling an A. Possibly a B. More probably a C, which is a little upsetting... but I don't know yet, so I won't be upset about that. Anyway. During the next class (History of Motion Pictures) my professor (who's 74! I would not have guessed that) came up to me and asked if I wouldn't mind closing up the room, turning off the projector and DVD player, and returning the DVD (Metropolis) to his office after class. He had to go to the hospital before class ended, for an MRI. He took me out of class and showed me his office, said that he was going to leave the door unlocked for me, and that I was to lock it up again once I had returned the movie. I said I'd take care of it. Well, he leaves, we continue the film, class ends, and I stay behind to take care of all the equipment. No trouble there. I then go around the building to his office, and find that the door is locked. Not knowing what else to do, I left a note under the door saying that it was locked and such, and that I was taking the movie home with me. I left him my email address and said to email me if he needed the film before Tuesday. So I went home. Amelia came over last night and we spent the evening at the harbor. When I got back at about 8 or 9, I checked my email, and had a note from my professor - Yes, he said, he needed the movie for his 5:00 class that night, and could I bring it over? Aghh. So not only did the poor man have to go get an MRI, but he also had to come up with an extra lesson plan on the fly, because a student hijacked his movie. I feel so incredibly guilty about that, but I really don't know what else I could have done. (Of course, that didn't stop Dad this morning from listing a few options about what I should have done. Thanks, Dad. That helps a lot.)

I went to get a hair trim this morning. Trim, hah. I hadn't thought it possible to go shorter than I did last time, but oh, it is. I know it'll grow and it'll probably look fine in two weeks, but still, that's two weeks. Until then, I'm stuck. I don't intend on complaining about it around people, because then they feel obligated to say that it looks fine, when we both know that it doesn't. I hate that. It really does look awful. And it was super expensive, because the woman styled it - I even told her not to bother styling it, because I knew that would knock the price up... but she did anyway, and then charged me an extra 11 bucks for it. I didn't have enough cash on me, so Mom covered it - which made me feel worse, not to mention eight years old.

And then there's The Dining Room. I've been trying to schedule a read-through for weeks - who knew that getting a day to work for 6 people would be SO DIFFICULT? I've been bouncing emails and calls and texts between the five of them, spamming them all first with "Does this work?", then "This seems to work, let's plan on that..." and finally, "Turns out that this day doesn't work... how about this one?" With the result that nothing has been done. I've run out of days that would work this week, so now we're planning on next week... but I'm just so afraid that it's going to keep happening this way. It's stressing me out. I feel so powerless - I so want to get this thing off the ground, but I feel like everything is working against me.

I'm so tired of feeling guilty and stressed and worried. I wish somebody would just step in and put everything neatly in its' place for me. God knows I've been trying. But somehow I can't fix things, and I'm so worn out. I hate feeling like this.