As said by Mr. Purdy...

I love the rain the most.

Well, he goes on to say "when it stops", but I shall leave this part out. I do love rain. For a long time (the last few months, anyway) it made me feel depressed, but oddly enough I find it cheering this evening. I'm sitting here in the big, window-filled room, watching the sky turn into a grayish purple; drinking orange-spice tea that smells like Starbucks; watching my cat, who is sitting in front of the back door and freaking out over every drop that falls.

I'm still sick and half deaf (can't hear out of my left ear at all), but I think I may be starting to get better. I went to school today, and everyone in math was coughing, and everyone in french was sleeping. Their eyes were open, but they were sleeping. Our teacher let us out ten minutes early because of it, poor woman. I wish people wouldn't get sick so often. I wish I wouldn't get sick so often. I talked to Amelia last night - or was it the night before? I think it was - and she's sick, too. We always get sick at the same time, it's odd. I've given up being surprised by it and have just accepted the fact that we really are the same person. The only difference is that her eyes are brown and mine are blue. Anyway, we talked for a while about how sick we were (which made me feel like I was fifty - have you ever noticed how, if you have a group of adults over the age of 40, the conversation will inEVITABLY turn into the best medication for back-pain?). Then we talked about the last time we got sick at the same time, last semester. Pneumonia, or some kind of viral infection in the lungs. It was horrible. I could literally hear swishing in my lungs when I took a breath.

I don't really know what all that was for.

In other news, I've been wearing a white sweater of my mom's (it's my comfort sweater - I wear it when I'm sick and need to feel snug). I keep a tissue in the front pocket. I thought it was a rather ingenious idea, until I realized that my grandmother does the same thing. Then I just felt old.

I really do like rain. I'd forgotten how much. Everything that seems gloomy, on its' surface, has been getting me down recently. Oh, I know I'll be back to being gloomy one of these days, but that just means that after that, I'll be happy and at peace again, like I am right now. My mood-swings are sort of like a rainbow, cliché as it might be. Some people see life as a sunny day with occasional showers. Others tend to look at it as a drizzly, gray existence; but when the sun shines, or a rainbow shows up, it shines that much brighter. These people, I think, see the joy more clearly, because they feel the sadness more deeply.

Yesterday I was alone after school until dinner, and I sat and wrote out everything that I could remember about the day my grandfather died. It was exhausting, but I'm glad I did it. It's written down, somewhere, and I don't plan on ever looking at it again. It made me feel sad the rest of the night, but today I feel better - I've gotten out all that I need to, for now.

Seabear is wonderful rainy day music. Not the real sad ones, unless you're in that particular mood, because generally the two combined (rain and Seabear) are too depressing. Songs like Libraries and Cat Piano, for example, are good ones to listen to. I Sing I Swim. That's one that I always like to hear...

Throw me a dream please, it's been a dreamless sleep
For such a long time, such a long time.
Sing myself awake,
Watch the branches break.
No one could ever take your place.