And she says, "What for? I'm yours and that's it, whatever."

Wow. Today was another one of those 3-in-1 days. As in, long. A lot happened! Well... sort of. I taught this morning, and that went well - I always love teaching homeschoolers. It's so fun being the cool/weird (mostly weird - I let Amelia be the mothering one) "older" girl. Anyway, I left the campus a bit before noon, came home and ate lunch and changed, and then headed off to nanny-duty. Halfway to their house, I was stopped at a light and checked my phone (yes, I know.. illegal. Pfff, legality.). The mom had texted me a few minutes before I'd left my house, saying that they wouldn't be home till nearly 2, and could I come then? It's a 20 minute drive and I was halfway there - and it was only 12:45. I contemplated turning around, and then I contemplated just camping out in their driveway and reading. Then I drove over a bridge and saw the cemetery to my left, so I turned at the next light and found myself walking through the pristine lawns on my way to the mausoleum. There were 3 or 4 funerals there today - none taking place while I was there, but they all had fresh mounds of dirt and signs with the family names nearby. There weren't a ton of people there, but during the hour I stayed I saw a few cars come and go with visitors in suits. In the handful of times I've visited Papa's grave, I've never seen people aside from gardeners there. I think maybe that's why today's visit didn't make me as sad as most cemetery visits do - it took me out of my head. Other people lose loved ones, too. Other people cry. Other people drive away afterward and go on with their lives.

The last time I was there, I think, was on Papa's birthday, back in October. I met Jon and Kate there after class and we sat together for a long while on the pew nearest the wall where he is. Apparently he told Mom that he wanted us all to come and visit his grave - which really tore me up for a while, because I hate cemeteries. They've always freaked me out. But I've been trying to force myself to go, so that it'll get easier; I owe that to Papa at least. The mausoleum, especially, always gave me the creeps, but I AM getting better at it. Although I'll admit that when I walked through a narrower part of the room, where the walls were closer together, I felt a little claustrophobic and the idea of standing there so close between dead people freaked me out. Anyway. Today when I went in, I first sat on the pew for a while, but then I got up and spent almost an hour walking around, looking at inscriptions on the plaques. Intermittently found between the generic "beloved so-and-so"'s were some truly lovely inscriptions. It's oddly comforting to read those; people really do love each other. Some people spend their whole lives together - what a marvelous adventure that must be. It did break my heart, though, when I came to plaques for a husband and wife who had died like 15 years apart or something... the inscription written by the spouse who was left behind was just so... lonely. It really made me sad. And then there are the couples who die in the same year. It must have been quite a love, to make you simply give up after your spouse has died.

When 2 o'clock rolled around, I drove up to the house and stayed until 5. The kids were feeling rather scientific today, so we made science experiments in the kitchen all afternoon. Cue: outrageous messes and me cleaning up every step of the way. Ah well. They enjoyed it, anyway.

On the way home I stopped at the harbor again. (I did that yesterday too; don't think I mentioned that.) I've been there almost every day of the week; I didn't realize how much I missed the place until I went there with Amelia on Tuesday. Walking alone used to make me nervous, but I'm either growing more brave or more careless. Not sure which, but it makes quiet walks much nicer. If you don't see me much, you probably don't know this - but being with people exhausts me. I mean I love them - and when I'm with them, I don't realize it. But this habit started sometime last year, where I have to go up to my room and hang out alone for a good 10 or 15 minutes after I come home from someplace. I go crazy if I don't have that amount of time to myself. Sounds lame, I know, but it's just true. These walks, I think, are a good way of calming me down too, though. Now when I come home after being gone all day, I don't need to hide in my room for quite so long. Walking at the harbor has already cleared my head. It's a good little arrangement for us.

Speaking of coming home.... oh yeah, a bit of news. HILLSDALE ACCEPTED ME! My first college acceptance letter! I'm actually rather hesitant about getting tooooo excited over this... because I've recently learned that Hillsdale has an extremely picky core curriculum, and if I went there it would add at least one semester (probably a year) to my college-attending-stint. Whiiich would be too bad. Negative point number 2 is that part of this core curriculum includes a college algebra class - which, yes, I've already taken... but I'd have to take THEIRS. Ugh. Also, I don't think they're going to offer me much financial aid - which sucks. Soooo there are definite cons. But oh the pros. It looks like such a good school - all these things aside, I mean. I guess I'll have to wait to hear from Wheaton, and then I can figure it all out. It was just really good to hear of at least one place accepting me. Hurrah!

Okay, it's now almost midnight - I took a break to eat dinner and watch "The Tree of Life" with the family. Definitely beautiful cinematography, and excellent acting. But hell's bells - WHAT? Most of it I got, I think.... but sometimes I felt really stupid. Mostly, however, I feel like the director was trying to mess with our minds in the name of art - which was heinously pretentious of him. He pulled most of it off - but I saw through him. Tsk tsk.

Also... ugh. I was being really stupid with last night's post. This stuff isn't worth getting upset about; it's hardly even worth writing about. (Yup - now I'm a cynic. Er... MORE of a cynic...) I was fine before it all came along, and I'll be fine now. Forgetting/locking-up it is.

15 days. Wow. I'm so ready for this.