Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear.

Wow, I have officially become terrible at communication. First things first: Happy Christmas! I know it's the day after... but to my mind, Christmas continues as long as I can sit here, look to my left, and see our off-kilter Christmas tree with it's multicolored twinkle lights.

I'm trying to think of what's been happening in the past two weeks, but it's rather difficult to sum up. AH! Though you should know that I PASSED MY MATH CLASS. Words (still) cannot express how happy this makes me. The realization that I'll never have to do math again, that I almost quit 3/4 of the way through but decided to attempt beating the odds, and that I'll NEVER HAVE TO DO MATH AGAIN (again), hits me at random intervals and makes me ridiculously giddy. A friend of mine was praying for my test, the day before it, and she made a comment to the effect of, "Even though these things don't really matter in the long run, to us it seems like the end of the world..." I've been realizing how true that is of most things. It would have sucked if I had to retake math next semester, but even then, I realized, it would have been over at some point - and then life would go on. Ten years from now I wouldn't really care either way. I mean, obviously I'm happy that that wasn't the case... but the point still stands: It wouldn't have been ideal, but it would have been alright. In any case, it would have been God's plan - and I'm beginning to realize that there's not much I can do about that. A little frustrating for us control-freaks, but in the end, incredibly comforting.

I really ought to be packing for Truckee (tomorrow!), or organizing my Christmas booty, or something useful. But I thought it best to check in and say what ho and all that, seeing as how I've been incredibly lazy about writing here. Not so much lazy - I just haven't had a second to spare. Finals were insane, and then I had like a week to prepare for Christmas - which was really difficult considering the fact that I was gone somewhere or another every stinking day. I was gone doing happy things for the most part, though, so I can't complain. In any case, the presents all got done somehow. You can always tell when the economy (national or familial) is bad when almost all the presents under the tree are home-made. But that lends a nice authenticity to it all, doesn't it?

We had a very low-key Christmas; not so low-key as last year, perhaps, but that's mostly because last year's Christmas didn't really exist. That was the first year that we didn't have an open house on Christmas day, like we've had every other Christmas that I can remember; we didn't have an open house yesterday, either. I guess everybody found a place to go for Christmas. Anyway. After our morning festivities were concluded here, we trooped over to Ami and Papa's and stayed there for the remainder of the day, seeing as how we haven't really been able to get Ami to come over here. As I said, very low key... just family, ham, mulled wine and (of course) coffee. At some point during the evening Kate pulled out her ukulele, and Jon pulled out his 12-string, so I grabbed my Takamine and somehow, Happy Christmas (War is Over) started. It wasn't perfect, seeing as how it was the first time we'd all three played together, but we had everybody singing with us and doing the over-lapping harmony thing at the end, and it was just one of those surreal moments that you see in classic movies. It was lovely.

Speaking of classic movies, we came home after and watched It's a Wonderful Life. At least, Jon, Kate and I did. I forget how amazing that movie is sometimes, maybe because I get so distracted with running around yelling, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, MOVIE HOUSE!" whenever I think of it. Also, maybe I've just gotten incredibly emotional in the past year... I never used to cry during movies. The whole last scene of the film had me in tears. I think when I was little I missed the entire point of the movie; but last night it suddenly hit me how much it related to my way of thinking, and Jon's, and Kate's... and then I realized that that's why the movie is so popular. Everyone is so desperate these days, for one thing or another - but no man is a failure who has friends. We all need to hear that once in a while.

Anyway, I ought to go pack. I'm so glad we're going away for a while - partly because I just want to sit with a blanket and read for hours on end, but also because everybody in this family severely needs to sleep for about 24 hours straight. I'll be back in a week or thereabouts, which means that this is the last post in the little section marked "2010". Which I'm a little upset about as I just got used to writing the year correctly. Oh well. This time next year, I'll be writing "2011" like a pro. Until January, however,

A very merry Christmas,
and a Happy New Year.
Let's hope it's a good one,
without any fear.

War is over, if you want it.
War is over
Now.

Decide what to be, and go be it.

I had to wake up at 6 today, while it was still pitch black outside. Miserable experience. As I was getting ready, though, the thought hit me that I've done much worse: my first semester at VC, I had a math final at 7, and I had woken up at 5 or 5:30. That had actually turned out to be a nice morning... after my final I had to wait for my ride (the other Laura) to finish with her final, so I sat on the lawn and read TS Eliot and drank coffee for an hour or two. Campus can be a surprisingly relaxing place when nobody's around.

It was a rather similar experience today. I honestly don't remember driving to school... but I went to class (I must have, I'm sure), tried my hardest to stay awake for the remaining speakers, and then headed over to Starbucks. Hanna and I were going to meet up for some coffee before I went home and she went to HER final. I got there at about 9 or a little after, and Hanna didn't get there till about 10, so I sat inside and read 1984. There's something about reading in a coffee house that makes you feel sort of classy - intellectual, at least. Though I suppose it depends on what you read. I also took to people watching, which is always entertaining in coffee houses. There are the teens who come to hang out and make a lot of noise (though they never stay long), the working mother who bustles in with her child (who will inevitably break one of the mugs on the shelf, as she did today - the mother will then try to clean it up while the barista hollers that it's really no problem and she shouldn't worry about it. Though I think in that case it's more about the worry of a potential law-suit.), the disheveled-looking old man in a baseball cap, the student who sits with his laptop at the table near the outlets (for some reason it's always a guy. Why is that?), and then the old married couple who sit and watch the birds on the pavement outside the window. Then sometimes you'll see (as I saw today) the semi-attractive man in a white-collared shirt underneath a black sweater, who orders his coffee in a cup and saucer and sits quietly, reading the newspaper. I like this particular sort the best, maybe because most people don't really read the paper anymore. I was also struck by the fact that he wasn't drinking out of a to-go cup like the rest of us.

And then of course, you can't resist wondering if anyone else is putting the inhabitants into stereotypes, and where they've put you. I like to think that I'd be in a category closer to my paper-man than the loud teenagers; especially since I wasn't talking. But you never can tell. Sometimes people are entirely mistaken about others, as I probably was at least once today. I guess there's no way of controlling that, though - if I chose to write a story about the people in Starbucks today, they couldn't do anything about it, just like I couldn't do anything if someone else were to write it. In a way that frustrates me, but in another way, I love its uncertainty. People are different. I suppose that's why, in general, we haven't gotten bored of us yet.

Wow.

I woke up this morning with an image of my yahoo inbox stuck in my head. It had four messages in it: three that were about mime, and one that was a notification from here letting me know that Bethany had commented on my blog. My waking thought was, Wow, I dream about email. My life sucks. I then proceeded with all my morning rituals, which include checking my email when I should be getting ready to walk out the door. I had four messages. You guessed it: three about mime, one blogger notification. So either I'm a psychic, or I actually slept-walked and checked my email last night.

I'm usually very boring while I'm asleep (or I assume so, anyway), but that's pretty fascinating, I thought. Weird, but fascinating. Especially that it was my email and not facebook or anything. It's just a good thing I didn't message anybody. I wonder if that's possible. The only other instance of my sleep-walking was about two years ago, when I woke up in different pajamas than I went to bed in. I guess I've gotten significantly nerdier since then.

I also had a dream that I wasn't in at all. It was about this boy that I know and in my dream, he was Peter Pan. Which for some reason made perfect sense. It started out with him being in an orphanage (similar to Peter and The Starcatchers), and then getting on a ship that is later shipwrecked on Neverland. Only, instead of a band of lost boys, he had Kelsey Grammar.

Finals do weird things to my mind.

But I am not shaken: I am eight years old.

My hands are ridiculously cold. They always are, and I always feel bad for people who are next to me when a prayer is about to be said, because I know that my problem is about to become their problem. It's all very sad.

I'm also ridiculously tired. I went to bed at a good time last night (about 11:30 or 12, I think), but then I woke up at 3 AM and slept on and off until 6, at which time I trudged to the shower. I had to give my persuasive speech in class today, and even though I was well-prepared I still felt anxious about it before-hand. I don't know what it is about giving speeches, but it's terrifying. Anyway. So I was nervous about that, and I'd also had about a billion cups of coffee to get me through math homework last night... so when I woke up at 3 AM with my heart beating really fast, and when I saw my cheery Christmas lights around my window, I decided that it must be Christmas Eve. I then got very excited and that charitable holiday spirit settled into me as I lay there. I briefly wondered if the stockings were filled yet. Then suddenly I realized that no; it's not Christmas. It's finals week. It was the saddest realization I could have possibly had.

Anyway. Despite being sleep-deprived, today's been pretty good. As I said, I gave my speech and it went really well. I got an A, anyway. I did it on anti-texting; well, technically, I said that we should value personal communication more highly than texting. But that was just so they wouldn't throw things at me. I am, in fact, highly anti-text.

I then came home, lounged around for a bit, then smeared my face with grease paint and headed to the government center. They do services on memorial days, and as today was the Pearl Harbor Remembrance day, the mime team went and did our two patriotic songs. That went well, too, and it was doubly happy since my Mom got to come and so did Amelia and her family. I like it when people come to support, it's nice. I do get nervous doing those songs in front of veterans, however, especially when I'm holding the flag. I'm always afraid that I'll drop the flag and then someone will shoot me. They probably have snipers on the roof specifically for people who drop flags: even if they're poor defenseless mimes like me. Well, anyway, it hasn't happened yet. So that's good.

I'm so bored. It's 8:30 and I honestly feel like I could go to bed right now, but that would be lame. The only other option, then, is to stay awake. But, stay awake doing what? C'est le question. I'm not feeling mightily creative... in fact I'm feeling mightily zombie-esque. AGH, speaking of zombies, our last speech class is scheduled for 8 AM. This makes me angry. The trees on the way to school are beautiful these days, though, which is a nice thing to see early in the morning. I don't remember really being able to see autumn colors in this part of the state, in the years past... but I've been noticing a lot of red lately. It's lovely.

This week is going to be insane. We have like 7 mime performances, and I've got my two hardest finals coming up (Monday and Wednesday). By the time I'm done with school on the 15th, I'll have 10 days to do Christmas shopping. Oh my gosh. 10 days. That actually just occurred to me for the first time. SHOOT. I need money.

But when I say that this week will be "insane", you who know me and my psychotic tendencies shouldn't be worried about my well-being. Finals aren't getting me down. I'm too close now to let anything get me down. A little sleep, a lot of coffee, a clear head, and lots of grace. That's all I need these days.

"You will never be completely at home again because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."

Wisdom of two years past.

I was looking at some of my old ramblings and came across this... it made me laugh. Also made me revisit the issue. This is a current problem, people.

Tonight something's been bothering me: "lmao". Really, where did that originate? Whenever someone types that I want to say, "LIAR!" Or, in the case that they actually DID "l" their "a" off, well then.... we've got bigger problems.

Ah yes, you caught me - I am a philosopher at heart.