A fresh start.

I used to be good at this blogging business. paha. It just got too hard to set aside time to catch up on all the things that I wasn't writing about, and then I just sort of gave up. So. Rather than try to catch up on this summer, I am starting a completely new blog. A clutter-free, blank-space, so-fresh-you-can-smell-the-paint blog. Also, people at church and my family were asking me to keep a blog at school that they can read - and I don't really want them to have to wade through all of my ramblings from the past three years. So I'm setting aside my blue-eyed point of view and going for something a little broader.

You can follow my adventures in Illinois, if you are so inclined, here.

I'm not sure if anyone even still reads this... but if you do, thanks for not giving up on me. I'll see you in my new "home".

This is an old song, these are old blues.

I don't know why, but blogging just hasn't been appealing lately. It's kind of funny to me how blunt I've been on here in the past - sometimes about things that matter, but not usually. Or at least not always. But these days, writing my innermost thoughts on a public webpage just doesn't seem like a great idea. It's kind of weird for me to feel that way, since I used to depend on "dumping" my mind here every night, to keep things up there (relatively) clutter-free. But yeah. Not so much now.

I will tell you that my arms are sore. I had to go to the doctor yesterday to complete the requirements for entrance to Wheaton. That was pretty much the worst doctor experience ever. They were really confusing, and the nurses weren't communicating well so I almost ended up getting the wrong injections... the paper work was all mixed up... we went home and had to go back an hour later, because they forgot to give me another shot... AND it must have been a bad day for my nurse, because she was a rather terrifying person to have to deal with. Anyway. I really only got 3 shots, once all was said and done... but the visit(s) on a whole was extremely stressful and took up way too much time. Oh shoot, and I have to go back on Thursday to get my arm looked at so that they can tell me that I don't have tuberculosis. Hopefully.

Also, my car was difficult last week, but nothing major happened until Sunday. I got in the car to drive to church, and it didn't start. We took Kate's car, but still, it's sort of lame knowing that your car is dead and not knowing what's wrong with it. It was out of commission for two days, but Dad cleaned the engine up a bit and bought me a new battery, and Peter is running just fine now. So yay.

Things have been interesting lately. Not really anything that would make an interesting story to tell... just things, I guess. I go to rehearsals for 3 days mid-week, and when I'm home I try to fill my time with college things or else I just hang out with people. Somehow I end up being gone most of the time, but I don't really know where I go. Things just seem to keep coming up. I still have to make good on a lot of summer plans, like visiting the Brubakers, spending more time at Jon and Megan's, reading many books, WRITING things (AGHGHGHHHHH. I NEED TO WRITE.), and possibly learning how to ride a bike... but yeah. Somehow I'm always too busy.

Tomorrow I'm hanging out with various friends at various locations from 10 to 5:45, at which time I will head to Ojai for evening rehearsals. I spent Wednesday night there now, so that I don't have to get up ridiculously early for Thursday morning rehearsals. I feel like I'm doing something on Friday, but I can't remember what. Heavens. Maybe I SHOULD blog more... if not for writing's sake, at least to remind myself of what I should be doing.

One thing that I should be doing is going to visit Ivy Lawn Cemetery. I haven't been there since the day before I went to Ireland. I think about visiting every time I drive past, but I'm always either on my way someplace (and usually late), or it's after closing time. That sort of just makes me feel continuously guilty. I should have time to go and visit my grandfather, for heaven's sake.

I'm going to be at Wheaton in two months, I just realized. Crazy. Oh my goodness - I have so many things to buy. Agh. I hate spending money. I don't HAVE money! I... need to fix that.

Oyy, life is weird. Everybody's growing up and changing themselves and going away. It was a cozy little world, this one - but it doesn't really exist anymore. And there's no sense missing something that doesn't exist, is there?

I wonder what things will be like in 10 years.

Right. I'm going to pack now so that I don't have to in the morning. Goodnight, folks. I'll see you when I see you.

Hm.

So... I kind of fail at blogging these days. There's really just not that much to report. I did stay up until 2 a.m. last night re-designing this blog, however... so I think that earns me some credit. (Or "ears me some credit", as I originally wrote. Whatever that means.) Basically I've been doing various random things around the house, hanging out with friends, and staying in Ojai for Scarlet Pimpernel rehearsals. That's kind of it right now. Hopefully this summer will turn more eventful soon. Today, I woke up and had the house to myself, so I ran around singing my songs (from the play) at the top of my lungs. (Which is lousy at first when you have morning voice... but it's fun anyway.) I'm going to practice piano now because I'm leading music at church on Sunday... and then I'm going to hang out with Amelia and Laura. Which will be nice. The weather has been so nice and sunny lately that it drives me crazy to stay in the house, but most of the time I don't really have anyplace to go. So when I get an excuse, I run at it.

Speaking of running... so long. :)

Hello!

Well my goodness. It's been awhile since I wrote, but it's been forEVER since I wrote HERE! I've been home for a bit over a week, but things keep distracting me from writing. Right now, for example, I am exceedingly distracted by my desire for more coffee. In fact I may just go get some right now. ... Nope. Went for a bowl of pasta instead.

Anyway, hi. If you're curious about what happened while I was gone, you should check out my other blog, which can be found here. (P.S. I'm super proud of myself for figuring out how to do that link thing just now. Ha!) It really was an amazing trip. I can't believe that was two months, though - two months is such a long time. And I've been back home, what, 10 days? And already everything is normal. Except it's not really... it's all just slightly different. Which is satisfying. I think that if I felt tremendously changed, I'd just be afraid that it wouldn't last very long. Big changes never seem to. It's the subtle, little ones that you've got to watch out for.

Today I was a pretty proactive girl. Since I got back, I've been wanting to go to the beach - but every morning, before I've had coffee so that I can make an intelligent decision, I find an excuse not to go out. Today, however, I didn't listen to myself - even though it was FREEZING COLD down there. I went to the beach and laid out on the sand for awhile, with my paperback "9 Stories" to keep me company. I love reading Salinger at the beach - Jon once read "The Laughing Man" out loud to me and Kate there, and ever since then the author and the place have been intrinsically bound in my mind. After I finished "For Esmé - With Love and Squalor", I set my things down, took a running start and dove into the water. I was in for about a minute altogether, probably, but it was cold enough to make me shiver the whole way home. Anyway - after that I was definitely awake! Aside from that rather glorious beginning, all I've really done today is clean the house and make Mom a card. I never know what to do for Mother's Day... it drives me crazy when I see those commercials that try to get you to give your mom a car or something for Mother's Day. I mean, really? It's only a holiday because of Hallmark, anyway - and Lexus really wants us to give our moms a CAR? ... anyway. I'm not bitter about being a poor college student, really. ;)

Speaking of college! I've decided to go to Wheaton. Which is just crazy to me. Not the fact that it's Wheaton - just the fact that it's SOMEWHERE. I never really thought about life after VC, because it was all just too uncertain. Subconsciously I think I just sort of thought that life wouldn't exist after Ventura. But then I decided on a college, and all the sudden, BAM. Life! It's so much BIGGER than that! I mean, I know this all sounds kind of stupid, but really - to me, it was a huge revelation. It's like I've been walking around on a little island this whole time, and I just found a bridge to the mainland. It's all out there, just waiting. In Chicago! And after that... who knows?

My point is, I'm excited. The world is so much bigger than I ever thought it was - both physically and metaphorically. And that's a cool thing.

Well. Megan and Kate and I are gonna watch a movie or something, so I will say so long. Hopefully it won't be another two months before I write here. :)

If you're wondering where I've gone for 2 months...

You apparently haven't been paying attention. I am going to Ireland until May 2nd, as you know - but I won't be writing on THIS particular blog while I'm there. I'll be writing on THIS one.

http://whenyourefaraway.blogspot.com/

I can't believe I'm only a day away. HEART ATTACK! I'm going to go pack. And do laundry. Actually I should probably do laundry first...

Anyway. So that's where I'll be for a while yet - I'll be writing of all my adventures on my other blog. If you're interested, please follow along! And if you have another means of conversing with me, I'd love to hear from you and keep in touch with the folks back at home. Till we meet again here, in May, then!

Fourrrrrr daaaayyyysssss

Well. Yesterday was my last day of work, and I spent all day today shopping with Kate, spending $135 on millions of tiny necessary traveling items. I hate spending money. I don't remember the last time I bought something, aside from gasoline. Aannnnnd I have to go shopping even MORE in the next three days. Tomorrow is basically my last day of socialization before the heavy-duty packing and organizing begins. Friday I teach, go to Costco to buy a camera, and go to a leadership meeting for mime in the evening. Saturday I am going to pack, because apparently Sunday is a family day and I must have everything done by then. Then we leave at 5 AM on Monday morning. Oh my gosh. The days are going by so quickly. I'm actually a bit frightened... but the excitement is starting to kick in.

Except... drama. sigh. There are SO many more serious things going on in the world - I know that. My little life problems really don't matter. But they sure give me insomnia and a headache.

On the up-side... my room is going to be very clean and dust-free in about an hour.

While I'm feeling blunt...

I feel horribly guilty when I think about being gone for two months. The kind of guilty that makes you feel physically sick. One of the things that has always bothered me about myself is the fact that I run from confrontation - not even that, just unpleasant situations in general. But that's always been a metaphorical sort of running away. There are so many loose ends in my life right now - so many things on a ledge - and not only am I emotionally distancing myself, but I'm leaving the freaking COUNTRY. I keep trying to convince myself that that's what I need - distance, in both senses of the word. But it's not working. I hate that I so often leave things (people, mainly) hanging. But fixing everything before I go is not even close to being possible.

I wish I was better at being a good person.